Bright Sunday at St. Paul's Peace Church
The Rev. Thomas B. Woodward
St. Paul’s Peace Church, Las Vegas
Easter was a cosmic joke played on Satan. St. John Chrysostom, one of the great theologists of the church put it this way.
"Just when the devil thought he had managed to get the Christ killed, God tricked him: raising jesus from the dead."
This morning we join an ancient Christian tradition of the Feast of Fools as a day for jokes and pranks and all sorts of fun -- what we now call "Bright Sunday," I hope the jokes and stories this morning are reminders that we are freed in the resurrection to let go and, sometimes, just enjoy ourselves.
But before I start with the jokes and stories, I need to tell you about a problem and it concerns our Bishop's Warden/Council President. Two weeks ago, quite by accident, I inadvertently ran across a letter addressed to Ms. Mia Prieskorn at St. Paul's Peace Church. I don't think it bodes well, but I'll let you make up your own minds. This is what it says:
"Dear Warden Prieskorn,
Thank you for your inquiry into our program. Our program is really very simple and it works this way. If you are tired of your preacher, send a copy of this letter to seven other churches who are probably tired of their preachers. Then ship your preacher to the church at the top of the list. Add the name of your church to the bottom. In thirty days you will recieve twenty-one hundred and seventy eight preachers, and out of this many you ought to be able to choose one to suit you. But be forewarned! One church broke the chain and got their old preacher back!"
Apparently the level of support for me has dropped significantly since last year when I was so sick. If you remember, the church leadership had voted to send me a get well card...the motion had passed by only 4 to 3.
It was just last week when my brother told me the way to achieve some relief from the stress I've been under would be always to finish what I start. So before leaving home this morning, I finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. And I'm feeling better already!
But everything is not so good: I almost didn't get here in time for the service. Ann and I had a big disagreement -- OK a fight and it was bad. But it turned out OK, because she finally came to me on her hands and knees. And what did she say? She said, "Come out from underneath the bed, you sniveling coward."
Well, as some of you know, I have been busy, really doing some evangelism. With a couple of hours free, I started ringing doorbells up and down 6th Street. And one house, I was greeted by a 12 - 13 year old boy wearing lipstick and one of his mother's long gowns. He had a Playboy magazine under one arm, a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other. I said, "Excuse me, are your parents home?" He put down his cigar and said, "What do you think?"
Then there is the story that happened at a nearby County Fair a few years back. The featured event was a strong man would take a steel bar and slowly twist it over a glass tumbler until five or six drops of liquid would drop into the glass. One evening after completing his act he shouted out to the audience, "Is there anyone here who would like to try that?!" There was silence until an older middle aged woman stepped onto the stage and said she would like to try. Then she took the steel bar and began twisting it -- eventually even tying it into a knot and pulling on the knot until enough liquid dripped from the bar, filling up the glass tumbler. The strong man was absolutely flabbergasted and said, " Lady, who ar eyou and where do you come from -- I've never seen anything like that." Handing the bar back to him, she said, "Well, I'm just the Treasurer at the First Presbyterian Church in Las Vegas, New Mexico."
Maybe it is time for an inspirational story. I observed this one at Walmart not too long ago. There was an older woman, attractively dressed, pushing her cart down one of the aisles when she stopped suddenly and began to tear up. Then when the young man a few feet away asked her if she was OK, she started sobbing. "Oh, my god. Oh, my god," she cried, "I thought you were my son Bob who died five years ago. Oh, how I miss him." Then she sad, "I'm sorry, but this is so emotional for me. I know you're not Bobbie, but could you do me a very big favor today? Would you mind, just for today, if I called you Bobbie -- and could you, just for today, maybe call me "Mom"?" The fellow said he would be honored to do so.
Then later the young man was behind the woman at the checkout counter. As she was leaving, she looked back and said, "Goodbye, son. Goodbye Bobbie," and he called back, "Goodbye, Mom!" At that point the checker said, "That will be $325." The young man complained that there must be a mistake, as he had bought only a couple of boxes of cereal. The checker said, "I know that. The rest is your mother's purchases. She said her son would be paying for them."
A little later, I saw Gina Harris in line to check out with her groceries. Apparnetly, the check out guy was talking with his girlfriend on his cell phone. After waiting two minutes for the guy to get off the phone, Gina tugged on his sleeve and said, "I'm sorry, but can you please check me out?" So the guy put his phone down, looked straight at Gina, then up and down and said "Nice, very nice."
I fear it may be time to go back to something inspirational. The way I heard the story, it took place somewhere just south of Raton. It seems a truck driver had stopped off at a roadside restaurant for a quick meal. He was seated at a table eating his meal when four motorcyclists of the Hell's Angel's type roared up. The stomped into the restaurant, looked around, walked over to the guy's table and said, "We want this table...bug off!!" The trucker, not a big guys, said, "But, I'm not finished with my meal." One of the cyclists picked up the trucker's water glass and poured it over his plate of food and said, "Now you are. get out of here. GIT!" So the trucker picked up his cap and walked out.
The four bikers laughed it up for a bit and the one who had poured the water all over the food anounced for all to hear, "He wasn't much of a man, was he??" The waitress, who was two tables away where she had a clear view of the parking lot, overheard him, and said, "Well, maybe not. Maybe he's not much of a man. But then, he's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over four motorcycles."
It may be time for a question: Do you know why they only had bread and wine at the Last Supper? It was a pot luck and only men were invited.
And do you know why you should always ask two Southern Baptists to go fishing with you? Because if you invite only one, he will drink all of your beer.
It is Easter Season, so we do need to reflect on that great event. Several years ago when I was the interim at St. Mark's on the Mesa Episcopal Church in Albuquerque, Bishop Vono stopped by to see how things were going. Really, he wanted to check out the quality of adult education in the church, so he asked the adult class, "Can anyone tell me what is the meaning of Easter?" The first person to volunteer to answer said, "Oh, Easter is a very special time. All of us adults are very busy, carving pumpkins and the children dress up in wonderful costumes -- angel and devil costumes - all sorts of things, and then at night they go from door to door and people give them candy. It is one of the best days of the year!"
The bishop seemed somewhat concerned and asked if anyone knew the real meaning of Easter. The next person said, "Well, the part about Easter being a special time for children is right. But for me, the best part about Easter is when we gather around the tree and sing Easter carols and the children open their stockings and unwrap the presents the Easter Bunny has brought."
Bishop Vono said, "Wait! Fr. Woodward has been with you several months. Somebody must know the real meaning of Easter." Finally, someone said, "I think I can help. Easter is one of the most solemn times of the year, but it is connected with a lot of things that went before. On Thursday after a special meal with his disciples, Jesus was arrested. Then he was sentenced to die. On Friday, they led him to a hill where they nailed him to a cross (we call that "crucifixion"). And he died a very painful death, they took his body to a tomb and rolled a huge stone in front of it. And then, in three days, God rolled back the stone and raised Jesus from the dead...and Jesus walked out of that tomb into the bright sunlight and he looked around...and saw his shadow and went back into the tomb. And that's why we had two more weeks of bad weather."
Well, I hustled Bishop Michael out of there and into one of the children's classes, just in time to hear the teacher ask the children: "What is small, gray, and furry with a big bushy tail and collects nuts for winter?" One child raised his hand and said, "I know the answer is Jesus Christ, but is sure sounds like a squirrel!"
Don't worry, we are closing in on the end. You may have heard the story about the guy who took his dog into a bar, sat the dog down on top of the bar, and said, "I would like a gin and tonic and a beer for my dog." The bartender said, "You will have to get your dog out of here: we do not serve dogs here under any circumstances." The dog's owner said, "You don't understand. This dog is special. He can talk. He can actually speak English. So I would like a beer for him." The bartender said, "Look, if your dog can actually speak English, he is entitled to all the beer in this bar that he can drink."
The dog's owner then asked his dog, "Rover, what is it that protects us in our homes from the rain and the snow?" Then dog responded, "Roof, Roof!" infuriating the bartender, who said, "OK, it's time for the two of you to leave." The dog's owner begged for another chance and the bartender relented. "OK," said the dog's owner as he asked his second question, "OK, Rover, what is the special feature of sandpaper?" Rover responded, "Rough, Rough,." Again the protest from the bartender and the reassurance from Rover's owner: "Finally, Rover, who was the greatest baseball player ever to wear a New York Yankee uniform?" Rover thought for a couple of minutes and then barked out "Ruth, Ruth." With that the bartender threw them both out into the back alley. Rover looked up at his owner and said, "Should I have said 'DiMaggio?"
With unemployment such as it is, I want to share a success story about a friend of mine who was out of work. He had tried everything, but nothing panned out. His last shot was the Personnel Office at the cirus that was passing through town. The owner of the circus told him, first, that nothing was available, but then looking at my friend's stature, remembered something. "Maybe there is something," he said. "As you may know, this circus is built around one star act, Herman the Gorilla. Herman died last night -- and we really have no circus without him. We just got his skin back from the taxidermist and it is, right now, being made into a suit. If you have any acting or gymnastic experience and the suit fits you, you've got a job." My friend had considerable experience in gymnastics -- and Herman the Gorilla's skin fit him perfectly. That night he was terrific. Turning cartwheels, interacting with the audience, skipping rope -- they loved him. And as the weeks and months went on, my friend learned more and felt more confident.
When the circus got to Albuquerque, my friend really went for it. After months of practice, he felt he was ready for the high wire. And was terrific -- walking across the wire with ease, balancing on one foot and then the other...until the unexpected happened. Someone near the center ring took a picture of the gorilla on the high wire just as my friend was looking down. The flash blinded him temporarily and he lost his balance. He swayed one way and then the other and then slipping, grabbed for the wire, but missed...falling from the heights. His fall was broken by the roof of the lion cage and my friend found himself face to face with a ferocious looking lion. He started screaming, "HELP! HELP! Anybody, HELP!" And at that point the lioin put a paw to it's mouth and said, "Shut up, or we'll both lose our jobs!"
One last thing. It's about Tom Snyder who couldn't be here this morning, but I'm confident he would not mind my sharing something so personal about him, especially as he told me it was really a turning point in his life. When Tom was starting out with ATT, one monring his boss asked to see him. "Tom," he sad, "Do you believe in the resurrecction of the dead?" "Of course," said Tom. "Well, that's good," said his boss, "because yesterday, as you were taking the afternoon off so you could attend your grandfather's funeral, he stopped in to see how you were doing."
You know, we all find ourselves in difficult and unexpected situations; but in them and in all things an important part of God's Shalom, God's peace is laughter and self acceptance. Francis of Assisi said, "Leave sadness for the devil: the devil has good reason to be sad." Or, as Martin Luther said, "God is not a God of sadness, but the devil is. Ghrist is a God of joy. It is pleasing to God whenever you rejoice or laugh from the bottom of your heart." And for the last word, St. Tereasa of Avila, as the prayed: "From somber, serious, sullen sants, Save us, O Lord." And to that we say, "Amen."